Masonic Humor
| Masonic Restaurant A man was eating breakfast at his local restaurant and asked the proprietor why there was a man guarding the door off to the side of the room. Oh, said the owner, that's where the Mason's meet. Their building burnt down a few years ago and they meet here. "The Masons?" the patron replied. Do you think I could go in there? Well said the owner.... That guy has been standing outside that door for more than a year now, and they haven't let him in! |
| Stranded on an Island Master Masson is stranded on an island for 10 years, a ship appeared, and a rescue party came to shore to rescue him. Thank you said the Freemason to the captain... for 10 years I've been praying for this. The captain asked, "Just you?" Yes, just me. The captain again asked, "Why are there three huts up there. The large one, said the Freemason is my home, and the one next to it is my lodge. "What about the third hut?" asked the captain. The Freemason replied... "That's the lodge I used to go to." |
| I Hate the Masons Arrested for murder and during the trial the defendant remarked how much he hated the Masons! He said, "The police officer is a Mason, the Judge is a Mason, the prosecutor is a Mason, half the jury are Masons... I hate the Masons. Found guilty and sentenced to hang by the neck until dead, the hangman asked if the defendant had any last words? Yeah said the prisoner... "I hate the Masons." The hangman then said... "Take one step foreword with your left foot..." |
| Light Bulb Conundrum How many Past Masters does it take to change a light bulb. Five to create a committee, four to draw up a plan for the trestleboard, and one to change the bulb, but it will take a least a year... or Three. One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous light bulb replacement, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this wasn't the way they used to screw in light bulbs. |
| Mason's in Heaven Bob and Bill were brother Masons and great friends for most of their lives. Each had agreed that when one of them passed on to that Celestial Lodge above, he would attempt to make contact with the other and tell him all about what heaven was like. As so happened, Bill went to heaven, first. One night Bob was just drifting off to sleep when he heard Bill's voice calling to him. "Is that you, Bill?" "Yes, Bob. I am honoring our agreement." "Oh, MY,.... what's it like?" Bob asked with some anticipation. "It's like nothing you could ever imagine. The lodge here is fantastic,... better than any lodge we ever saw on Earth. "Oh, my, it's just like we'd hoped. I'm so happy for you. But I have to ask,... that sounds really great, but you didn't really seem all that excited. What's wrong?" "Well, I have some good news and some bad. The good news is that we're raising a fellow to the third degree next Wednesday." "That's fantastic. What's the bad news?" "Your name is on the list to be the Senior Deacon." |
| Third Degree Lecture One night (a long time ago in a jurisdiction far, far, away) a brother was heading home after indulging a bit too much at the festive board after his lodge meeting. He was weaving a little across the path, steadying himself against the lamp-posts. A concerned policeman saw him, and walked over. "Well sir, where are we going at this time of night, eh?" he asked. The brother replied "I, officer, am going to a lecture on Masonry!" Bemused, the policeman asked, "And just where are you going to hear a lecture on Masonry at this time of night?" The brother replied, "From my wife." |
| Why Do Masons Wear Aprons? Why do Masons wear aprons? To cover their working tools. |
| Masonic Traveler There is a lodge located in the backwoods of a small southern town where the brethren are faithful Masons, but lack knowledge of receiving brothers from other jurisdictions. During one of the meetings, the JD (Junior Deacon) informed the WM (Worshipful Master) that there was an alarm at the door, whereupon the WM replied "Attend the alarm and report your findings". The JD opened the door and saw, to his amazement, a brother, impeccably dressed with an elaborate apron and jewels about his chest. The Tyler, being somewhat slow to answer for the visiting brother, the visitor stated, "My name is John Smith, Past Grand Master, who humbly requests an audience with the WM." The JD, upon hearing these words from the visiting brother and the elaborate apron and jewels upon his chest, immediately closed the door, returned to his post and informed the WM: "Worshipful Master, The Grand Architect of the Universe is at the door!!!" |
| The Lodge A/C Broke A small Lodge had had a string of bad luck. It was preparing to initiate a candidate on a steamy evening in June and it′s air conditioner had stopped working. After sweating their way through part of the work, the Master had asked the candidate what he most desired. The candidate replied "a beer". At this juncture, the W.M., being startled, whispered "light" to the candidate. "OK," the candidate replied, "a lite beer." |
| Open Letter to God A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God. The postman, seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it. It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week. The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did. Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God. Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it through the Knights of Columbus next time, because the Masons kept half. |